Having Balance

In my class with Maureen Burford, we are currently working on our 2nd chakra. This is what Ellen Tadd refers to as the Identity Chakra. This chakra focuses on many things but the area I want to discuss today is balance. In her books, Ellen describes how this chakra supports action and pausing, movement and stillness, pushing and pulling, stimulation and support, masculine and feminine, growing and planting, talking and listening.

I realized when reading these chapters that it is our job as parents to support both of these sides. The receptive and the expressive sides of our children need to be nurtured.

For example, when I was a child, I was told by my parents and teachers quite often to stop talking. This does not shock anyone who has read my posts over the years or who has listened to me yammer on the podcast. However, these words did impact me quite negatively. I found myself not speaking up for myself when I needed to which then resulted in me pushing too much at inappropriate times. This happened frequently with my parents…outbursts, slamming doors, tears.

As I look at this chakra and then the concepts of yin and yang (that’s basically what Ellen is getting at), it is so important to look at the opposite of what your child is doing and use that as a starting point to influence behavior and support growth. My parents and teachers could have said, “Jen, listen more.” Rather than “stop talking”…see the difference, feel the difference? It is so much more instructive and I can feel a younger version of me learning in that situation not feeling shamed.

So, how does this relate to Teal and your child? Let’s list out the things we want to see more of in our child. If I want her to talk more, what is the opposite of talking? What is the yin to the yang? Talking…listening. So, I am going to positively support her for listening. I might say, “Teal, I am so impressed with how well you are listening to me right now.” And then a few minutes later, I may ask her to also use her voice. Describing the sometimes it’s important to listen and sometimes it’s important to speak and express yourself.

Another example, I want her to stop swinging her arms when she’s frustrated. This often leads to hitting or smacking me or others and may be a problem in the future. So, what is the opposite of swinging her arms? Stillness in frustration. I hope in the future to say something like, “Teal, I really love how still your body is right now when I know you are frustrated with ______________.” And then, after a few minutes I might honor when she uses her body to express herself in a positive way…like pointing, using signs, etc.

This is a work in progress for me but I thought I’d share with you some ways I am hoping to positively impact the world my daughter lives in.

Next post will be on the balance of spiritual therapies and physical therapies! Stay tuned.

5 Things

In a recent conversation with my mom (we were recording an episode for the podcast at http://www.ForOurSpecialKids.com), she reminded me of the importance of 5 things.

Years ago, I would wake up each morning and write 5 things that I was grateful for in a notebook next to my bed. Just an easy 5 things. It started my day on a wonderfully positive note and I encourage you to try it.

Here are my 5 things for today:

Waking up with my kitty purring next to me
The taste of hot coffee with cream made by my husband
My morning meditation
The morning colors on the lake
The outstretched arms of my Teal when she woke up

If you can take 30 seconds to honor 5 things you’re grateful for today, your entire day will benefit.

Smiles…

Did you know I started a podcast called For Our Special Kids?

Each week I highlight a certain special person who is doing something amazing in our world of parenting a child with special needs! It might be a specialist, a parent, an author, a “WooWoo” healer, medium, psychic, etc. We talk science and we talk woowoo! It’s so much fun.

In every episode, we celebrate the magic and the mess of raising a child with special needs.

You can find all of the episodes since April 2022 on any of your listening platforms!

To learn more about Teal and our journey, go to www.ForOurSpecialKids.com.

Thanks so much for being a part of our journey!

Hope

On my podcast, For Our Special Kids, at the end of each episode, I used to ask the question, “What is one word that you would use to describe a child with special needs?”

The word “hope” never came up. Looking back, I am actually shocked it didn’t but I’m also not shocked. Ha Because hope is absolutely NOT the word I would have used when I received Teal’s diagnosis. Sitting across from a calloused, been-in-the-industry-too-long, neurologist who had no bedside manner and should never have been delivering diagnoses to parents … I couldn’t have felt further from hope. Despair maybe. Confused, yes. Shocked, absolutely. And WITHOUT ANY hope, yes. Certainly not hope or hopeful.

But, that was over 5 years ago. So much can change in 5 years. Heck, so much can change in 5 months or 5 days. 5 minutes.

So, why would i use the word hope to describe a child with special needs? Aren’t they the farthest thing from hope? Don’t they struggle with everyday things like eating, dressing, walking, talking…almost everything? Most children with special needs, not all, struggle with something quite large each day. For my Teal, she’s struggling to express her needs and emotions with words. Oh, and eating too. And, selfcare. Ha…Teal struggles with lots. And, yet, I would absolutely use the word hope for my magical little girl.

Desmond Tutu once said, “Hope is being able to see that there is light despite all of the darkness.”

This is the hope for which I am referring and I imagine the others were as well. It is the light in the dark. A cool breeze drifting on a hot night. The rainbow appearing after the storm. The soft touch of your child’s hand. The caress of a lover after tears of sorrow.

It can be one brief moment in time that shifts all your perspectives. Hope is fleeting at times for us as parents and caregivers.

However, what if you look at your child with hope and you see hope within them? How does your perspective change? My daughter is the light in the darkness. She is the cool breeze, the rainbow, and the soft touch. She is the hope we need to see in this world.

Our children are the light. Our children are the hope. They are the ones who show us the way through the darkness. They are the ones taking our hand and guiding us on this journey. They are here to teach us to see a new perspective. They are here to help us evolve into better humans and to see our life on Earth with a new lens.

We must begin to look through their eyes. And, when you do, you won’t see so much darkness in this world, in your life, in your days, in your moments…or in theirs. You will see the light.

Just Put a Hat on Her!

Telepathy and Intuition.

We were new, first-time, parents. We did our fair share of contributing to the consumer world of “baby”. We measured those scoops of formula perfectly. Made sure the temperature of the milk was just right. This also meant that for the first few weeks at home, we both got up when she cried. Both of us reacted…what’s wrong? Is she hungry? Is she cold? Does she need to be changed? What can we do? What can we change?

It was non-stop. As every new parent can attest to. It’s in our DNA to do this when we hear our baby cry. Fix it. Fix it now.

Well, on this one occasion about 4 months into Teal’s life, I knew something very odd.

Let me set the stage…it’s end of October. We were remodeling our house (which was supposed to be done before Teal came into this world) and were living in a very small condo. Teal was content by the fire. It was warm and cozy in our home. Out of the blue, Teal started fussing and then she started crying. Alex was holding her with a bewildered look. Like…where is this coming from? All normal things had been checked off the list…hungry? No. Dirty? No. Cold? No, etc. You get the point.

Then it happened…this weird knowing came over me and I said to Alex, “Put a hat on her.” Now, we were in the house. It was warm. This statement did not make sense AT ALL. Put a hat on her? What? Alex looked at me with a very, very strange expression.

I said it again, “Put a hat on her. I don’t know why, but she wants a hat.”

So, Alex puts a hat on her and she immediately stops crying. Immediately. Both of us were quite stunned.

Well, here’s the most important part of this entire story. That specific day in October was the very 1st time my daughter communicated with me telepathically. She told me she wanted a hat. She sent me that message…and thankfully, I received it.

You see, what I could have said here is that it was all Mama’s Intuition. It was all me. It was all the intuitive instinct that comes with motherhood. And, I do believe in a mother’s intuition. I believe it. I have experienced it. I use it regularly. But, the part people leave out of the story is that the message comes from somewhere.

Teal sent me the message. She was an active part of my knowing that day. It was NOT ALL ME. It was a 2-way communication. She sent the message and I received it. And then I acted…thank goodness.

So, the next time you get a knowing and you think it’s all just your intuition. Take a moment to give credit to the sender. And sometimes that sender is a tiny 6 lb, 4 month old magical preemie child whom will forever change your life.

And, give credit where credit is due!

With love,

Jen

PS: if you feel like you are intuitive (because everyone is), let me know. I have a mini-course for you to help bring more of your intuition to the surface.

What happens when you lose things?

So, I very rarely turn off my computer. I know it is a terrible habit. Please don’t lecture me about hackers and all that! It really comes down to time management. I normally get done with a project about 10 seconds before I’m committed to be inside to relieve a babysitter or to make dinner or to get Teal to her next therapy appointment. You hear me?

Anyhoots, I just save things and run out the door. Well, I am very very sad to tell you that I didn’t save some pretty important journal entries and wouldn’t you know it…my computer did a restart on me and guess who can’t recover them? Me! I have tried, believe me. I did the google search and followed the steps. Nope. Not there. I actually searched for key words, hoping that I did somehow save them or the computer saved them for me and they just aren’t under “Unsaved files.”

Sad but true, I can’t find them. So, this led me to question “What happens when you lose things?” And, that leads me to the real question of “Why do we hang on so tightly to the lost things?” Why do I need to search so hard for what has been lost? Why can’t I just accept that it is gone and won’t return? Why can’t I see the beauty in having had it and then lost it?

And yes, I know…this is SO MUCH MORE THAN LOSING A WORD DOC of a journal entry. This is about the loss of what was. The loss of what I thought would be. I am still, after more than 5 years post diagnosis, mourning the loss of what my life would look like, feel like, and be. The mourning looks different than it used to. The mourning is lighter and doesn’t weigh on me every moment of every day. The mourning is easier to get through. And yet it is still there. A lump in my throat or a heaviness in my heart. At times it is heavier than I would like to admit. And at times, it is more than I am willing to acknowledge.

I look at my grief and feel guilty because my Teal is so magnificent, so magical. But, I still mourn that I’ve never heard her say, “Mom.” Or “I love you.” Or, “I’m home!!” I still mourn hearing her footsteps run up the stairs after a play date to greet me and tell me about her day. And I mourn that she can’t pick out her clothes in the morning, brush her teeth, and come down for breakfast…on her own!

There are many parts of our lives and our child’s life we can mourn the loss of. And, long, deep, soothing sigh, it is okay.

It is okay to grieve.

It is okay to grieve that which could have been.

It is okay to grieve the unknown.

It is okay to be angry at your computer for losing documents that had precious meaning and a little part of your heart.

It’s all okay.

“Grief never ends. But it changes. It’s a passage not a place to stay. Grief is not a sign of weakness, nor a lack of faith…it is the price of love.”

Author Unknown

Post #8: Do you Believe in Magic?

A long long time ago…in land far far away… (kidding)

Over 9 years ago I hosted a women’s retreat called “What would you attempt?” in Lake Tahoe. It was all about me testing the waters to see if I could help facilitate change in other women (and in myself). I LOVED it. I created the curriculum, led many of the discussions, invited in experts, etc. Truly, it was such an inspiring time for me. And the others, I’ve heard from a few of the women that certain exercises still resonate with them today. Mental Note: I need to run another retreat!!

I am going to introduce one of those exercises and then get into the WooWoo.

The exercise used energy cards. I absolutely love those energy cards you see in WooWoo stores. Some of them are angel cards, some are positive affirmation cards, others have Buddhist messages, there are spirit animal decks, etc. All of them in my opinion are amazing it just depends on your mood.

And this is a reminder to myself to go dust off my cards…ugh. Isn’t it funny how you get so darn caught up in life that you literally forget what used to bring you joy? Why do we let that happen? Especially as a mom, but also when I found myself making more money in my career…I just let go of those things that made me happy and literally defined who I was.

Take a moment…what did you used to love that is now missing? Is it that 1st slow sip of cherished coffee in the morning that you used to give you such joy? And now you just chug it to get out the door on time? (FYI…that probably is 10 seconds out of your life and it might bring back a bit of joy) Or what happened to that 10 minutes when you used to slather on a face mask and flip through a gossip magazine? Go figure out that one thing that is missing from the “before this life took over” and you left yourself behind. And then add it back in.

Holy crow…back on track. So, the cards? I’m going to post some links below if you wanna grab a deck for yourself. Anyhoots, we did this exercise in the retreat:

In groups of 4, we chose a deck (or two) that felt right for the group. Example…if you didn’t love angel cards and your group picked those…then you could grab a deck that felt good. Easy.

One person at a time…

Hold the deck in your hands and put your energy on the cards…you can shuffle ’em, put ’em on your heart…whatever feels right.
While you are holding the cards, ask a question you’d like an answer to in your mind. Really focus on the question…send it into the cards. Do not tell the group your question.
Pull a card and place it in front of the other 3 women.
Ask the women their interpretation of your card. Do not provide feedback. Do not give them hints to your question. Just let their inner wisdom speak.
Flip the card over and go through the same process. Keep your mouth shut and listen. Feel the messages.
Then, if you want, you can tell the women your question…but you do not have to do this…it is your question, do with it what you want.
Do this for each woman in the group.
Take 5-10 minutes to journal about the experience.

So, that was the exercise. Now, let’s get WooWoo!!!

I not only facilitated these exercises, I participated. So, I sat down with my question. And, in my gut I kidda knew my question wasn’t exactly “right.” See, I had a “When” question and those can be tricky…but I went with it because it was my true inner question.

I grabbed the deck, sent energy into the cards, and I asked my question in my heart. I pulled the card and laid it down. Hmmmm…it was an old man with some stars above him. I remember he was wearing red. The women gave me their interpretations. And, the last woman (Stacy I’m not sure you remember this…) but you said, “It reminds me of Santa and Christmas.” Now remember, she did not know my “when” question. Ha ha ha!! Christmas is was. Yeah…that was only a month or 2 away…I was getting my answer in a couple of months. Whoa.

You wanna know my question…”When will I get pregnant?”

So, 1 month goes by…pee on stick. Not pregnant.

Another month…pee on new stick. Not preggers.

Damn cards.

I knew I shouldn’t have asked a damn “when” question. Total heart break. I gave up on that set of cards…cards in general really. Well, not playing cards. I do love a good card game.

Anyhoots, get ready for some WooWoo. Fast forward 8 years. I found out I was pregnant on December 26th. Ha. Ha. Ha. Ha. Ha. Ha. Totally not joking. The Universe is so full of magic. And the kind of magic that rocks your world.

Do you believe in magic?

This Mama believes in magic…

Check out some of these decks: You can search affirmation cards, empowerment cards, etc. There are even decks for kids.

To Peruse Past Posts:

Post 1: It’s a WooWoo Life
Post 2: The Most Beautiful Sound
Post 3: Keeping Up with the Jones’
Post 4: What’s In a Number?
Post 5: Fall Equinox
Post 6/Part 1: The HOT SEAT
Post /Part 2: “Have a Baby!”
Post 7: My Spark

Post 7: My Spark

Ever just stepped back and looked at how much your life has changed in a VERY short amount (say 2 years, 2 months) of time? I crawled into my Courtyard Marriott bed last night in Sacramento (a pretty comfy bed actually) ALL ALONE and started to cry happy tears. I took a deep breath and said out loud, “Thank you!”

I found myself in that bed because of my daughter (so……..it’s 6:47 am as I write this…I am still in that bed…ha) She has completely shifted my life’s purpose. And I say thank you to her. When I laid my head on the pillow I started listing all of the changes I’ve made that are 100% her fault. 😉 It is just so fantastic. And, this, this is My WooWoo.

working with a medical intuitive rather than searching for all answers in the medical/health community
owning every single DoTERRA oil that has ever been made, carrying oils on planes rather than chemicals and sharing with strangers, making dishwashing soap and cleaning supplies, owning 5 diffusers. You get the point.
taking a new “you can heal your life with your own energy” monthly training course for a year
using my hands to create energy balls and to heal my husband’s leg
talking with Inner Physicians to get answers to medical problems
owning up to my psychic abilities and intuition
creating a shrine in my office so I can meditate on a more frequent basis
acknowledging all spirits in a room and asking my daughter what and who she’s seeing
introducing friends to rituals
buying crystals, rocks, wind chimes, angels, and the like for her and me
testing out a new company called VibesUp
learning about Crystal Children and Indigoes and Rainbows and Stars and Diamonds
looking, and finding, for orbs in photos
putting a business on hold to focus on her magic
talking to strangers about her healing magic – “Expect Great Things!”
spontaneously (as in a 3 day decision) going to the Bahamas to get CranioSacral Therapy with dolphins
starting a blog
following my dreams
and crawling in a bed in Sacramento to take a 4-day CranioSacral Therapy training course to eventually speak more openly about this modality but also to give this hands-on therapy more regularly to my gorgeous daughter

By the way, this is just what I could come up with in 10 minutes. Truly, she is my catalyst. She is the spark that ignites the fire in my belly.

Do you have a catalyst? Where is that fire in your belly? How hot does it burn? Are you feeding it or pouring the waters of doubt on it? Perhaps it’s time to do one thing that moves you in the direction of your soul’s desire. Just 1. Or heck, just tell one person today about your fire. Start there…

Love ya…I’m off to class!!!!!

The Learning Mama