Teal is emotionally smarter than me!

Teal struggles with her emotions. But I imagine she struggles most with expression of her needs and her wants and that translates into extreme emotional distress and frustration.

You know the big thing now with parenting…or at least the big thing on the front of many of my social feeds…teach your children how to work through their emotion.  Give them the tools. Don’t send them to their room alone to figure it out and “think” about what they’ve done.  No, you sit with them, listen to them, ask gentle questions, support them, be empathic, teach them how to use their breath to work through their struggles, teach them how to use their words to work through their frustrations, and give them time and a safe space to say what they need to say.

Well as a parent of a child with special needs, the above paragraph seems like Mount Everest. Many of us have children who can’t even speak, for crying out loud. I can just see us sitting down with our child and waiting for them to process their emotions and then put a sentence together.  It’s comical.

Or if your child does speak, there may be so much stimulation that the words get stuck and hover for eternity. Or the words may come out as a loud cry of frustration. Or perhaps the only way they know how to process the world around them is to hide, to cover, to disappear.  Or to run or stim. Or hit.

So, when I say Teal is emotionally smarter than me I say that from the perspective of her having to process her emotions without the ability to communicate easily. Can you imagine knowing what you want to say but not having a quick way to express it? Or, any way to express it? Can you imagine having an emotion like heartache or pity and trying to communicate that effectively with a robotic talking board or static picture icons?

Seriously, take a moment and imagine.

• How would you tell someone that you thought they were better than anyone you’ve ever met?
• What about meeting someone for the first time and expressing how much you loved the color of their eyes?
• Or…what would you do if someone was in your space and you didn’t like it? 
• Or if you were mad because someone just talked down to you and made you feel stupid?

What happens if you wanted to express yourself but you couldn’t or if the one sentence you wanted to say needed a talking board and capable hands and TIME?  Would the teacher wait? Would that new friend have the patience? Would someone even notice that you were irritated?

I can’t imagine it. And, when I try, it brings tears to my eyes and a lump in my throat.

These children are so much more patient, kind, loving, and tolerant than any adult I know. These children emotionally process more in one hour than I do in a day. They are always trying to keep their emotions under control. If they didn’t, I’m not sure the world could handle it. I’m pretty sure I couldn’t handle it.

And yes, many times…most times really….after Teal swats or cries out with frustration or lets her tone take over her entire body, she pauses and looks deep into my eyes. She lets out a deep breath and reaches to wrap her sweet arms around my neck. This happens within moments of the “episode.” She processes through her frustrations and struggles faster than I do that’s for sure. And she does it all day long.

The miracle is within them. Always remember, the miracle is within them.