Today a new crystal, I don’t ever remember being on my desk, was sitting on my desk. It may have been here this entire time, but I don’t remember it. It is beautiful.
I picked up this beautiful Teal-Green crystal with small streaks of orange and tan and felt it. I really felt it in my hand…its edges, curves, soft rounded points, and cool temperature. I let her stay in my hand for quite a while, resting, breathing. As she reminded me to rest and breathe.
She is Amazonite.
Gemstagram writes:
Amazonite is known for its healing and calming properties and is believed to have a calming effect on the emotions, promoting peace and harmony.
Amazonite is known to be a soothing stone that helps to bring emotional clarity and balance. It can also be used to support clear communication and aid in the understanding of one’s own feelings.
Amazonite is a powerful stone of communication, providing protection and balance. It has been known to encourage one to express their true feelings and to speak their mind. It can also help to reduce stress, block out negative energy, and encourage positive emotions
Before even reading about her, she gave me her message.
Relax.
Find Balance.
Feel.
Breathe.
Is there something unique in your world today that is trying to speak to you? Are you open enough to hear the message or are you too busy rushing? I am often too busy rushing. Moving. Doing rather than being. It is a large part of the world we live in.
Today, however, take pause and find what unique thing is there…and has probably been there since the beginning…that has a sweet message just for you.
Why is it so damn hard to get support for our children?
Why do I need to be an expert in ALL things? Seriously, advocating is one thing but being my daughter’s private tutor. I’m not sure I can do it.
So, here’s what happened…we’ve had our end of school IEPs. Yes, we needed to have 2 because we spend too much time talking. And, I’m not bothered by that in the slightest. Both Alex and I care tremendously about Teal’s schooling, supports, etc. We ask a lot of questions and want to know the reasoning behind goals and benchmarks. It takes time. I’m very happy our school is willing to understand Teal’s needs while being supportive of our process to get there.
During the IEP review process, you know when you go back and really read the IEP again to make sure everything that was committed to for the previous year has been met in terms of services, I saw some discrepancies in what Teal was getting in terms of services and what her IEP seemed to state. So, I began questioning how much 1-on-1 time Teal was actually getting with her teacher. In previous meetings, the entire staff told us how much better Teal learns when receiving 1-on-1 instruction. And, I thought, we had gotten a commitment from her teacher and support staff that she would be receiving this extra assistance in 2nd grade.
However, in my review of her IEP for 2nd grade, I couldn’t seem to find the commitment in writing on the IEP. What? We completely missed that they didn’t include that verbiage for her 2nd grade IEP. Yes…WHAT THE F?
1st off, that’s on me and Teal’s dad. Completely. That is not the school’s fault. However, they told us verbally they’d be providing small group and 1-on-1 instructional time for Teal. But, in the IEP, they just wrote small group. Yeap. We missed it.
Looking back on Teal’s education this year, she’s falling behind. More than just a little behind…the gap between her 1st grade peers was significantly smaller than the gap between her 2nd grade peers. Why, dare I ask, do you think that is? Hmmmm….anything to do with the fact that every day in 1st grade she had 20-30 minutes of 1-on-1 instruction with her teacher? Ya think? Damn it all to hell. I’m so darn mad.
Fast forward to our meeting yesterday to establish service minutes…the school can’t “give her 1-on-1 instruction if the teacher is already providing that instruction to other students.” The teacher cannot duplicate instruction time. Really?
And, the kicker…they won’t add it back in. I pressed. I said I was extremely disappointed and wouldn’t be signing the IEP. I got quite heated as a matter of fact. I didn’t yell…but man they knew I was mad!
So, major lesson learned!
Fast forward to today (I think I wrote this initial rampage 6 weeks ago)…
I didn’t post it because I knew posting something when you’re really mad can often lead to not-so-great outcomes. Anyhoots, I didn’t sign the IEP. However, I did do some research and I did throw the staff’s words back at them. I sent a strategic email referencing the Individuals with Disabilities Education Act (IDEA) that ensures students with a disability are provided with a Free Appropriate Public Education (FAPE) that is tailored to their individual needs. I stressed “appropriate” and “tailored.” I sited numerous conversations where the entire support team for Teal said she learned best with 1-on-1 teaching. I copied everyone under the sun. I had had enough. I was making sure that everyone in the district knew that this Mama Bear was NOT going to take this type of treatment for their child. Nope. Not me.
I sent it…and then, I waited!
And waited.
And then, my phone rang. The supervisor and the department head were on the phone and they wanted to talk. We had an open and honest (and nice) conversation. Concessions were made. I don’t think Teal will get all of the 1-on-1 time she needs or I requested, but we are going to meet again before school starts to look at scheduling for her and her teachers.
And, I’ve learned I need to be a better tutor here at home. If she’s not going to get everything, I feel she needs at school, then I need to step up our game. (next post on how the heck to do that…because she’s always so tired after school…she’s usually just done!)
In the end, my mom was right. When I called her in a huge tiff after the 1st IEP, she said things always seem to work out for Teal. She told me to wait. She told me to have confidence. In the end, she really told me to wait for the magic of Teal to do its work.
And, she was right. Teal’s magic brought what could have been a legal battle of parents against school…to a place of genuine conversation and support!
Thanks, Teal! More later..
XO- Jen
Oh, if you have a story to share or want to brainstorm solutions, let me know. I’m at jen@forourspecialkids.com. And if you have a moment, check out my podcast: For Our Special Kids! It’s on all listening platforms.
Do you see a healer? Not a medical-Western-doctor type healer but an energy healer? Someone who does things you can’t explain but gives you answers that don’t need to be explained? Finding these people to interact with your energy, your spirit, your soul, or perhaps of your child, isn’t as simple as Google searching…”Energy healer in my area.” It takes word of mouth, referrals, personal experiences, confidence in friends. That is how I found Nick Mallett.
I was interviewing Kelley Coleman, author of Everything No One Tells You About Parenting a Disabled Child, for an upcoming podcast and at the end we moved our chat into energy healers, intuition, woo-woo, etc. She says, “Oh you need to meet Nick.”
After our recording, she sends me a name and number of a man that doesn’t advertise…to my knowledge. I don’t think he has a website. When we talk, I don’t even get specifics as to what he’ll do. All good…this is why you take advice and referrals from friends. Trust.
When we connect on the phone, I find out he doesn’t really make appointments. Now, for an appointment girl like me, this was probably the most challenging part. I couldn’t plan my schedule around him? He said something to the effect of, “I just go with the flow most days and I do whatever feels good.” Now, right there is a good lesson for me whether or not I ever connected with him for an energy healing. Go with the flow! The astrological year of 2024 would really vibe with that sentiment. Let go of control!
So, what do I do…I mark my calendar (ha) to call him at 9:11 PT which is 11:11 CT Monday to see if he was free for a healing. Note the angel number of 11:11.
I eventually hook up with him on the phone and he basically dives right in. He asks me to stand up, drink some water, get comfortable, relax my knees and then starts energetically scanning my body over the phone. Or at least that’s what I thought he was doing. Alas, I just went with the flow.
About 3 seconds into my body scan, he starts giving me phrases to say. I was instructed to say them outload, 3x. Each statement started with “I release all _______ and _______ releases me.” After which he would give me an verbal “knod” and then I would hear light language affirming what my body was releasing.
Here were some examples:
“I release all guilt and guilt releases me.” x3
“I release all remorse and remorse releases me.” x3
“I release all toxicity and toxicity releases me.” x3
“I release all inflammation and inflammation releases me.” x3
“I release all banishment and banishment releases me.” x3
“I release all grief and grief releases me.” x3
Many of these statements caught in my throat. The grief statement made me cry. Actually, many of them made me cry.
Grief, Guilt, Remorse, Comparison, Judgment…
The curious part about making these statements 3x was that by the time I got to the 3rd statement, I could feel my body and my emotions release. My voice changed as well. By the 3rd time, I bought in. I could feel “it” going away. I could feel “it” releasing.
I had no idea I was holding on to so much emotion, so much sadness. But as I made the statements, I honored them. I honored the emotion. And, I found myself being kinder to myself with each statement. Acknowledging that we carry negativity inside ourselves is a good thing. Acknowledging that life isn’t always grand…is a good thing. Being truthful and honest with ourselves gives us the freedom to release it.
The next morning during meditation I found myself making some statements again. Things that perhaps crept back in during the day prior.
What do you need to release? What needs to release its hold on you?
Take a moment and sit with these questions. Be kind as the answers come in. And make your own statements 3x. Feel what happens.
XO
Jen
UPDATE: I spoke with Nick before publishing this blog.
What he does is called Quantum Energy Healing!
He checked in with me the day after to see how Teal and I were doing (I neglected to mention that he worked on both of us. I suppose that’s another post). Turns out we were (and still are 2 days later) both quite sick. This, I know from other healings, is quite normal as your body processes and releases that which needs to be freed. The really wonderful part is that he did a few things energetically to help Teal and me because…because it’s the nicest thing to do. Made me feel like we were important…not just clients. And, that is something you don’t always see these days.
He also may be working on a place to put his testimonials. I’ll be writing one for sure…maybe he’ll even link this post to his website?
Here’s the situation, I am single parenting this week…and next week, as Alex is in London for a conference and then will do another week of meetings with companies. It’s a good thing for him. It’s a good thing for his business. It’s a good thing for us as a family. It is NOT a good thing for me personally. I do not like single parenting. Period.
My patience for Teal goes out the window when I am single parenting. I think it comes down to the fact that I know there is no outlet. There is no one to wave the proverbial white flag at. There is no release. No one to tag out with. No one to ease the pressure when my stress goes up and my patience goes down. Now, this is the interesting part of this story, I can’t remember the last time I waved the white surrender flag when Alex was here. I seriously cannot remember the last time I needed to tag out of my time with Teal. But, when Alex leaves, it’s like I lose my safety net. I lose the option…I can’t get the help if I needed it. That’s what gets me. I don’t have a lifeline.
Why can’t I handle everything when I don’t have my partner for back up? Well, I guess it comes down to knowing that I have the out when he’s here. Knowing that I have someone that’s got my back.
You see, I yelled at Teal this morning. I actually dropped the F-bomb. I did not say, FY (as Elon would say) but I did say, “This is not f-ing acceptable behavior.” Yeap, I said it. And, wow…did I feel like crap. I knew I had lost the battle between patience and freakout.
She had had a terrible night the evening prior with lots of hitting, lots of crying, not listening and just being bratty. Note, my patience was thin.
This morning started out great. I was so happy with myself. I woke her up with smiles, we snuggled, I was peaceful and intentionally positive and patient. Until…well, I got smacked one too many times. She was crying because she didn’t want to take off her pjs to put on her school clothes. And she smacked me one too many times. I just lost my shit. I stood up, yelled the above statement, and then turned on my heel and left the room. I needed to breathe. I needed to find a moment to compose myself. I needed to fall down on the bed and cry (which I did not do), I needed someone to step in and tell me it was alright and that I needed some me time (which did not happen). I needed someone to take care of me!
And then three amazing things happened:
As I was getting Teal into her car seat, she opened her arms up and waited for me. She waited for me to step in and get a hug. Yes, my 7 year old had the wisdom that her mom needed a hug. I stepped in to get my hug and she gently patted me on the back. I had to hold back the tears. I told her I was very sorry for yelling and that it wasn’t ok to hit. Just like it wasn’t ok to yell. I stepped away and she opened her arms again. She knew I needed someone to care for me. And, I got another hug. Yes, again, my daughter comforted me. (Don’t even begin talking with me about the guilt or tell me that my child shouldn’t bear that weight! Don’t…)
As I was walking away from school drop off, I ran into a father of a child on the spectrum. And, I said, “Does (insert child’s name) hit?” His dad said, “No.” And I almost burst into tears. However, he did tell me all sorts of other things I needed to hear. He let me tell my story of how horrible I had been and how horrible I still felt. He let me talk and he listened. In his own way, he took care of me. And, he gave me a hug too.
During one of my spiritual readings today, my sitter said, “It’s good for our children to know that ‘I have my limits too.'” Whoa. I wrote it down it had so much impact. I have limits too.
So, yes, I’m still beating myself up and I’ll be sure to tell Teal again how sorry I am for my behavior but I also know that “I have my limits too.” And today, I was pushed over the edge into a bit of a mom rage moment!
Sigh…thanks for listening. And, I hope you know it’s ok to say that you have your limits too!
Jen
If you’d like more information about mom rage, listen to these 2 episodes on For Our Special Kids:
When do you connect with your child? When is easiest? When is it hardest? How do you connect with them?
First and foremost, the hardest time for me to connect with Teal is when she is hurting or extremely frustrated. Normally this is when her, and my, emotions are running high. In addition to the elevated emotions, I often get a physical response from Teal. She may swat or shake or kick. You all have experienced it. And in those moments, it is so hard to determine exactly what they need. My discernment is very low during this time.
I so desperately wish she could talk…to tell me what she needs. I hear myself saying, “Just show me what’s wrong.” And, I often hear myself saying back, “I’m sorry I don’t understand. I don’t know what you need.”
That’s your cue! When you hear yourself saying that to your child, take note. Pause, breathe and implement this very quick process.
Ground. Feel yourself on the ground. Whatever part of you is touching the floor, acknowledge it and feel it more. Connect to something stable.
Open your crown chakra. Connect to the higher realms of energy. Open your crown and reach up with your energy. You may feel the top of your head get lighter. You may direct violet or golden light out of the top of your head into the heavens. Know that you are connecting with higher answers.
See a gorgeous light bluecolor surrounding your throat and awaken your energy there. Know that you can communicate and you can hear what is needed.
Finally, open your heart. Reach your heart energy into your child’s heart energy. See the light connecting you both. Then, reach energetic open palms out to their heart energy.
Now listen and feel.
This process should be quick…60 seconds or less.
Now, if nothing happens at first, please do not despair. This, like any new skill, takes time to develop. The neural pathways need to be built and strengthened. It is important to practice when the stress and emotion is not high. Practice when you don’t need the answer, when your child isn’t hurting or frustrated.
One way to begin building this “muscle memory” is by practicing after you put your child to bed at night. Just go through the process in your mind and imagine it working. Imagine it being easy. Imagine the energetic packets of information coming from your child into you. It will happen. And, the more you practice when the need is low, the easier it will be when the need is high.
Crystals and Essential Oils can enhance your intuition and connection.
You also may consider holding a crystal or using an essential oil to enhance your practice.
Crystals to consider include blue stones for communication. I love angelite for a spiritual connection with enhanced communication. While the experts don’t list this one as a good stone for telepathy, I find it perfect. It’s peaceful and healing and gentle. When I think about connecting with Teal, those are the feelings I want. It also helps you to connect with your angel team…and I believe that Teal’s higher self is part of my angel team. So, this is a win-win for me. Other blue stones to consider are lapis lazuli or kyanite. Rose quartz is all about love. Opening our heart is a must when communicating with our non-verbal children. Pink opal is also wonderful for enhancing your motherly connection. Clear quartz and amethyst are wonderful for boosting your intuitive connection and help with the crown chakra.
Essential oils to consider might include the InTune blend from dōTERRA®. I put this directly on my 3rd eye. Use rose oil for its extremely high vibration. To use our energy to communicate, our vibration must be high. Rose can help elevate you.
You may try the tree oils as they will help with grounding. If you feel too much stress, the tree oils can do wonders to lower the stress and get you connected with yourself before reaching out to another. Frankincense is another incredibly powerful oil for self-love and overall healing. I love frankincense for all things spiritual…heck, I just love frankincense for all things! Peppermint and lemon can awaken your mind and help with clarity. Sage, clary sage, and rosemary are wonderful for wisdom and remembering. All so important when connecting with your child!
Remember, the next time you hear yourself saying, “I’m sorry, honey. Mommy just doesn’t understand what you want.” Put the above steps into play and believe that you can easily connect with your baby!
In a recent conversation with my mom (we were recording an episode for the podcast at http://www.ForOurSpecialKids.com), she reminded me of the importance of 5 things.
Years ago, I would wake up each morning and write 5 things that I was grateful for in a notebook next to my bed. Just an easy 5 things. It started my day on a wonderfully positive note and I encourage you to try it.
Here are my 5 things for today:
Waking up with my kitty purring next to me
The taste of hot coffee with cream made by my husband
My morning meditation
The morning colors on the lake
The outstretched arms of my Teal when she woke up
If you can take 30 seconds to honor 5 things you’re grateful for today, your entire day will benefit.
Three times in one day I was asked, “What is her diagnosis?” I despise that question. And, I normally don’t handle it in the way I want.
Sometimes I say, “Well, she has high tone.”
Or “She is hypertonic.”
Or “We don’t label her.”
Or “Her dad and I have decided that when Teal can talk about it herself, she can tell people her diagnosis, but we don’t feel like it is our right.”
You know what I really want to say to these “oh, you don’t mind me asking, do you…” people…SHUT THE F-UP…WHY DOES IT MATTER? And, who are you to have the nerve to ask? And, yes, I do mind you asking. And, mind your own Goddamn business. And a slew of other things I don’t feel comfortable writing here.
God…I hate it. And, the biggest thing I struggle with is that I’m not ashamed of her diagnosis. I just don’t think random people need to know. I literally had a woman who had seen Teal maybe 3 times say, “If you don’t mind me asking, what is her diagnosis?” What? Really? When I told her that we don’t label her and all of the above statements…she got mad. I type this and laugh. SHE was the one who got mad. The nerve. Seriously, she stormed out of the market in a total huff all pissed that I wouldn’t tell her what was wrong with Teal.
Because, that’s what people really want to ask. They are desperately curious to know why she isn’t “normal.” What’s wrong? They are uncomfortable because they want to put her in a box and label her so they can feel better. So, they can take a deep breath and know it’s not contagious, it’s not catching. This is the truth. People don’t like to see something that is different from them.
Now, I know I am stereotyping. I know. Not every person feels this way…but as a mama lion…I will claw the eyes out of those people who do fall into that category. And, I’m shocked at how many more people fall into this category than I would ever expect. Sure, people say they want to know so they can treat her better or so they can better understand her. Bologna. They want to feed their own curiosity. And, it pisses me off.
I came home that day all in a fluster. I was desperate to find a way to answer that question without being a crazy mama lion while still standing up for my daughter and the respect we have for her. My husband, a friend, and I came up with this…
“How will the answer change how you interact with my daughter?”
I’ve tried it out in my mind and it still sounds bitchy. And we thought about…
“Why does it matter?”
I am still struggling months later. I still don’t know how to answer it. If you have an answer and are willing to share, please comment or send me an email at Jen@ForOurSpecialKids.com. I’d love to know how you handle this question.
And, please know…it’s not that we’re ashamed of her diagnosis…it just doesn’t matter. She is amazing, incredible, and so much more than a diagnosis!
So, I got this message today during a bioenergy healing session with Jody Goddard.
“The vigilant must not wait!” What the…?
While I know what vigilant means, I actually looked it up to see if there was another meaning that I was missing.
The Google machine says this, “keeping careful watch for possible danger or difficulties.” That didn’t make a lot of sense to me.
The noun version of Google’s answer is “the action or state of keeping careful watch for possible danger or difficulties.” Still didn’t make much sense. I’m normally a half-full type of girl. I don’t spend my days looking for danger or focusing on the negative. It’s just not me.
Obviously at this point, I am still a bit lost on the actual meaning of this message. Because, yes, I do believe we get messages in our meditations and when they come they can be a bit cryptic but they need to be heard.
My next step was to look up the origin of “Vigilant.” This is what came up…”late 15th century: from Latin vigilant- ‘keeping awake’, from the verb vigilare, from vigil (see vigil).”
You guessed it, I then rabbit-holed to vigil. And, this is where things made a little more sense to me.
“noun: vigil; plural noun: vigils
a period of keeping awake during the time usually spent asleep, especially to keep watch or pray.”
If I put this into my statement above…then what I might be able to take from this message is that one…I might not be sleeping too well in the near future (ha) or two…I need to wake up! That my time to “sleep” in this world is over. It cannot wait anymore. I must wake up, I must take the time necessary to awaken to the world around me. Awaken to the knowing. Awaken to the place I’m supposed to take in this world. And, this awakening can’t wait anymore. I think my guides are getting restless!
My period of being dormant, asleep, ignorant in this world is over. It is time to wake up and get moving!!!
Okay then…I guess the next logical question is…WHAT NOW?!?!!?
May you find an awakening within yourself today and may that knowledge not wait!
Our family had an unbelievably busy summer. Our end of June to July, however, was over the top. Alex, Teal, me, my dad, and step-mom met in Montana for an incredible (and extremely exhausting) 5 days at The Ranch at Rock Creek Dude Ranch. It was incredible. So many outstanding memories to fill our future.
When we arrived home, June 29th, there was a friend of ours at the house. We knew he was coming for the 4th of July weekend…he just arrived before we did. Mark this as Day 1.
Davio stayed until July 5th. I like to tell him that he doesn’t count…because he doesn’t. You know those house guests that don’t require a major clean-up or prepared breakfasts? They don’t care what you look like…ever. They know you get testy about things. They know you argue with your husband and then 2 seconds later you’re over it. The type who knows your kitchen so well that they can unload your dishwasher? Yeah…Davio is one of those guests. However, he was still at our space and having another person means more dishes, more food, more discussion, more planning, etc.
July 5th – July 7th Teal had camp which allowed me to clean house and get laundry done before the next 3 people arrived. These were not the “you don’t count” type of people. These 3 arrived July 8 and didn’t leave till July 16th. By July 16th, I was starting to feel a bit “over-it”. I was already tired of having people in my house. Sigh.
July 17 – 21, my niece arrives with a friend.
July 19 Candela, our Spanish exchange student arrives. She stays till July 29th.
July 23 Candela’s family from Spain arrives.
Yes…at this point, all 5 bedrooms of my house are full. I am making meals for 7 people for more than a week. Trying to stay on top of laundry, Teal’s schedule, our guests’ entertainment schedule, grocery buying, meal prepping, meal making, clean up, and the list continues.
I AM EXHAUSTED at this point! Kind of beyond exhausted actually.
Our house was finally empty and quiet on June 30th.
But during that entire time, well most of that time if I’m being really honest here, I kept reminding myself to never wish a day away.
It is so easy to just get by, to just make it through the day. We all have those times when we think to ourselves, just make it to 5 pm or 8 pm or bedtime or tomorrow morning. And, I will probably have one of those moments in the near future again. But I hope when I’m in the moment, I can remember that this moment will never ever ever be here again. This exact moment, right now as you’re reading, will never be here again. Ever. You can’t get it back. Time keeps ticking.
My mom told me when I was starting my working career that if I wished Mondays away, then I would be wishing 1/7 of my life away. Take that in for a moment. If you dread Mondays because you don’t like your career…you are dreading 1/7 of your entire life away or at least until you find another job to dread.
When I take time to consider the 1/7 statistic, I am reminded that our time here on this Earth is fleeting. Our time here is a drop in the ocean, a whisp of air, one grand of sand on a beach. You get it! We just aren’t here very long and I am going to try and not wish any of this time away.
Looking back, I could have wished an entire month away. An entire month! Saying to myself, “Just make it to July 30th! Just make it to July 30th.” But, I tried not to. I tried to feel each day, to savor each moment, to stretch out each meal. Because I don’t know if any of those people will ever be in my house again. We don’t know what life holds. Many of you have received phones calls that confirmed the vanishing of future memories on this Earth plain with someone who one day was here and who one day wasn’t.
So the next time you feel a bit overwhelmed with the day, the child, the space, the moment…take a deep cleansing breathe, put a small grin on your face, and say, “This too shall pass but I’m not wishing it away!”
So, I very rarely turn off my computer. I know it is a terrible habit. Please don’t lecture me about hackers and all that! It really comes down to time management. I normally get done with a project about 10 seconds before I’m committed to be inside to relieve a babysitter or to make dinner or to get Teal to her next therapy appointment. You hear me?
Anyhoots, I just save things and run out the door. Well, I am very very sad to tell you that I didn’t save some pretty important journal entries and wouldn’t you know it…my computer did a restart on me and guess who can’t recover them? Me! I have tried, believe me. I did the google search and followed the steps. Nope. Not there. I actually searched for key words, hoping that I did somehow save them or the computer saved them for me and they just aren’t under “Unsaved files.”
Sad but true, I can’t find them. So, this led me to question “What happens when you lose things?” And, that leads me to the real question of “Why do we hang on so tightly to the lost things?” Why do I need to search so hard for what has been lost? Why can’t I just accept that it is gone and won’t return? Why can’t I see the beauty in having had it and then lost it?
And yes, I know…this is SO MUCH MORE THAN LOSING A WORD DOC of a journal entry. This is about the loss of what was. The loss of what I thought would be. I am still, after more than 5 years post diagnosis, mourning the loss of what my life would look like, feel like, and be. The mourning looks different than it used to. The mourning is lighter and doesn’t weigh on me every moment of every day. The mourning is easier to get through. And yet it is still there. A lump in my throat or a heaviness in my heart. At times it is heavier than I would like to admit. And at times, it is more than I am willing to acknowledge.
I look at my grief and feel guilty because my Teal is so magnificent, so magical. But, I still mourn that I’ve never heard her say, “Mom.” Or “I love you.” Or, “I’m home!!” I still mourn hearing her footsteps run up the stairs after a play date to greet me and tell me about her day. And I mourn that she can’t pick out her clothes in the morning, brush her teeth, and come down for breakfast…on her own!
There are many parts of our lives and our child’s life we can mourn the loss of. And, long, deep, soothing sigh, it is okay.
It is okay to grieve.
It is okay to grieve that which could have been.
It is okay to grieve the unknown.
It is okay to be angry at your computer for losing documents that had precious meaning and a little part of your heart.
It’s all okay.
“Grief never ends. But it changes. It’s a passage not a place to stay. Grief is not a sign of weakness, nor a lack of faith…it is the price of love.”
A WooWoo Life 